Difficult day....

I've noticed a lot of posts in the blogosphere on life as a twenty-something lately.  It's rather refreshing to hear other people going through a lot of the same problems.  Sorta makes it feel as though we're all in this together....

Today was a difficult day.  I completely fell apart at work and found myself ducking into the bathroom so I could regain control of my emotions.  Unfortunately, this was after not one, but TWO of my co-workers saw my hasty entrance into said bathroom and wanted to ensure I was okay.  Which was sweet but I found myself struggling with what to say.  "Yes, I'm fine.  Just a bit emotional because I feel like I'm still waiting for my life to start.  Thanks for asking though." I think I went with the "I'm fine, just tired" card instead.  Which I suppose is partially true.

The problem is I'm not even remotely where I thought I would be at this point in my life.  Like most girls, I had it all planned out:  graduate college, get a job teaching kindergarten in a good school, find the love of my life, settle down and eventually start having babies.  Pretty fairytale life huh?  So far I can cross out graduating college.....and that's it.  Now I don't even know what I want in my life anymore.  I thought teaching was right for me, and it might still be, but lately, I just want a break from kids.  I'm burnt out.  I work three jobs, seven days a week, all of which are with children.  Don't get me wrong, I love children but when I was working my butt off in college, I didn't envision working in daycare for the rest of my life.  Nor did I expect to be working three jobs, yet still be living paycheck-to-paycheck.

I have some hard decisions to make this year and I am at a complete loss for what to do.  In the past three years, I have applied for over 900 teaching positions and still nothing.  We're coming up on the time of year where I need to start gearing up to apply for more.  With all the budget cuts, teaching jobs in the midwest are getting harder and harder to come by and I'm just not sure what I'm suppose to do.  Do I apply for jobs outside of the state I've lived in all my life?  Do I start looking into a different career?  What do I do in the meantime until I can figure all of this out?  And, most importantly, am I prepared enough/strong enough/brave enough to make these decisions?

I've been looking into other career choices lately too.  I loved planning events for the sorority in college and I think I have enough organizational skills that I could be a decent event planner.  I have also always loved children's literature, but I'm not sure what I would do with that yet.  I'm just not sure if I'm even suppose to leave the education field. 

Sometimes I wish I could just get a thirty-second glimpse of my life ten years down the road.  Just a quick peek to make sure I'm doing okay and maybe give me a clue on what I should be doing to get there.  Too bad life doesn't come with a crystal ball huh?

I guess I just didn't expect life to be this difficult.  As little girls, we're fed all these wonderful stories about life but the problem is, real-life isn't a fairytale.  Real life is hard.  It's confusing.  And let's face it, it's scary.  Despite all this, I'm going to continue to cling to the quote "everything happens for a reason."  I may not understand why things are the way they are right now and that's okay.  I just need to remember that there is a reason for it.